This week, one of our homework assignments was to take photos of at least one meal per day and describe it as Sattvic, Rajasic, Tamasic, or a combination. Over the years, I have dieted and tried countless tricks and gimmicks to lose weight, gain muscle, de-bloat, etc. I've tried counting macros, eating pescatarian, juice fasts, low carb (that sure did a number on my metabolism), high protein, and more. The diets all worked temporarily to help me drop a few pounds, but they took something else from me--my ability to live in balance. I've struggled for years with eating disorders, and while I have overcome them for the most part, I'm not sure I'll ever be completely free. I still have urges to binge or restrict what I eat, and some days I want to write down every calorie or gram of carbohydrate I consume.
This week of loosely tracking my meals felt different. I looked at food in regards to how it would treat my body. I turned away from dessert and my more processed snacks. I thought about whether I truly wanted what I temporarily craved, or if it was a desire for something more whole, more nutritious. I ate less overall, and I consumed more fruits and vegetables. The one night I wanted margherita pizza, I had some. But only two slices, not four. After the pizza, for the first time in a long time, I didn't immediately feel the urge to follow it up with ice cream or cookies. I didn't feel like I had "ruined" my diet so I as well destroy it further. The next day, I was worried I would wake up craving bread and sugar as I always do after a binge. You know what? I just wanted fresh juice.